There’s more to women than reproduction!

Ever noticed how men try to tie women’s health problems to either pregnancy or their menstrual cycle?

 

Not all women's health problems are related to pregnancy or their monthly period.

Expressions of pain by women to our men folk are often met with questions like: “Are you pregnant?” or “Is it that time of the month?”

 

It’s as though women have only one body part and their health revolves solely around their reproductive cycle.

 

True, some problems are related to the monthly period or pregnancy. However, not all problems are tied to these two regular occurrences. There is more to women than their wombs and not every health problem is related to our reproductive cycles.

Women, like other human beings, get headaches, sore throats, toothaches, common colds, swollen feet and tummy aches for other reasons than their menstruation or pregnancy.

 

It’s annoying though, that when a woman talks about her pain, most men rush to conclude that her problem is related to her reproductive system.

 

I remember having a terrible flu coupled with tonsillitis recently. As it was during a public holiday, I went to a 24 hour pharmacy for some over-the-counter medicine. After describing how I felt to the pharmacist, who happened to be a man, I assumed he had understood and would give me the most appropriate medicine.

 

He brought some medication, which I purchased without asking any  questions. After all, he had the appropriate training and I’m just a lay woman so I trusted him to make the best health decision for me based on the information I had provided. My assumptions were clear – the pharmacist and I were partnering to ensure that my health was restored. In return, he would get his profit – it was a simple, neat deal.

 

The flu was particularly painful so I took the medication as per the pharmacist’s instructions, yet my condition did not change. I chided myself for being impatient when I did not see immediate results. After all, not all medication works instantly.

 

Two days later, I was still suffering and there was no improvement despite swallowing every pill religiously at the recommended time. I concluded that the medication was not effective at all and it was time to visit the doctor, now that the public holiday was over and the prolonged flu was preventing me from enjoying my life.

Women, like other human beings, suffer various types of pain that are not period pains or child birth.

Out of curiosity, I did an internet search on the medication the pharmacist had given me and lo and behold, it was not for flu. The man had given me tablets for period pains! I had a flu and tonsillitis not period pains, but no, the man had concluded that being a woman, my pain must be tied to my reproductive system!

 

Naturally, I was irritated and as soon as I recovered I called the pharmacy to tell them not to repeat their dangerous assumptions that all pain suffered by women is related to their reproductive system.

 

Having worked for an organisation that advocates for women’s sexual and reproductive health and rights, I should not have been surprised at all. One of the main reasons women did not seek timely health interventions for sexual and reproductive problems was that they were shy. Part of the reason was cultural as it was considered taboo to discuss such intimate details of one’s health with a male stranger. Consequently, when attended to by a male doctor or nurse, the women would claim to have a headache or some other ailment on a “normal” body part that could be safely discussed with strangers. The onus was on the male health practitioner to probe and conclude what the problem might be. That, perhaps, could be the reason for the pharmacist’s assumption in my case.

 

In the absence of an accurate guess, this would result in multiple visits to the clinic until per chance the woman was attended to by a female health practitioner whom she could open up to.

Assuming all pain suffered by women is related to their reproductive health is a dangerous assumption that could lead to misdiagnosis.

While these might have been the realities at some stage, particularly in conservative societies, it does not follow that all women are too embarrassed to discuss their reproductive health and conclusions should be made on their behalf. The world has changed and systems to accommodate “shy” women have been put in place. Communities have figured ways to communicate difficult topics with their health service providers, while women have become more liberated and can express themselves. Clearly, one has to understand the society they are working in before making assumptions. What is suitable for a conservative, highly religious community, may not be appropriate for a metropolitan society, so the same assumptions cannot be applied across the board.

 

As I write this, I have a tummy ache and no, it is not “that time of the month!” I happen to have binged on some unhealthy foods. I am very capable of expressing what I’m feeling to my doctor and if it were period pains, I would know. However, instead of sensitivity to my pain, what I’m getting from my male counterparts are “knowing looks” as they conclude that I must be either pregnant or having my period.

 

Clinging to old assumptions that period and labour pains are the only pain women can ever suffer is dangerous as it could lead to misdiagnosis. Its time for people to realise that there is more to women than reproduction. Women fulfil a bigger role in society than child birth and have other body parts that are used for other purposes outside reproducing.

 

 

 

Huh? What’s your face saying?

Faces are like silent movies – they project a picture that’s subject to the viewer’s interpretation!

Whether or not you know it, your face is saying something!

Whether we like it or not, we are living expressions of something or the other. We constantly convey certain messages, whether wittingly or unwittingly, through our words, body language or facial expression. Where ever we are, someone is reading into us. The first point of contact for most people is the face, which mirrors our thoughts and is supposed to betray our emotions. However, this is not always the case, because some people are born with features that lend their face a permanent expression, e.g some people look surprised, others look angry, while some others constantly look amused. I’ve seen people who look as if they’re about to break down and cry and others who look like they are about to cackle. And all this is purely an accident of nature!

This is often evident in the way people respond to us. As I do not wish to offend anyone, I’ll use myself as an example.

Large eyes lend the face a questioning expression.

I have large eyes that people describe as beautiful, coupled with naturally arched eyebrows that put beauty therapists out of business because they rarely need shaping. While these are pleasant features, one must admit that a combination of the two lend the face a surprised expression. As a result, I seem to have this permanent questioning look, as though I’m asking “huh?”

Not surprisingly, whenever I walk into a room or meet people for the first time, they somehow feel inclined to explain things to me. I walk into a bank and the person in front of me is suddenly compelled to explain what is going on. I stand next to food and someone suddenly feels the urge to tell me the ingredients. Somehow, everybody just wants to explain something or the other. I used to get offended, but after looking in the mirror long and hard, I realized my features seem to be pleading for answers. So  I’ve come to terms with the fact that where ever I go, someone will offer an explanation on issues that I am not the least bit concerned about.

Of course there are the friendly faces that put everyone at ease. Warm round eyes that seem to say, “you can trust me,” or “hey, take a seat and make yourself comfortable.” Two friends of mine have eyes like that, so strangers gravitate towards them and people warm up to them very easily. People flock towards such individuals like moths drawn to light.

 But then, some people’s features don’t exude that warmth. I have an acquaintance whose mouth is twisted in a permanent sneer and when he speaks, even a simple greeting sounds like a cruel insult. Naturally, he is the last person anyone will ask for anything. I feel sorry for the guy, because  he means well but his attempts at friendship are viewed suspiciously, as part of some insidious ploy to wound the next person’s ego.

Some people have very probing eyes that seem to see through the soul and can make the guilty confess. Eyes that seem to say “I know what you did,” and somehow seem to melt the most hardened of criminals. When such people walk into a room, naughty children scamper and try to quickly absolve themselves by shouting “it wasn’t me, it was him/her,” while pointing a finger at the next person.  Everyone around such people seems compelled to justify their actions.  

 Then there are those with cheeks that are curved into a smirk, constantly lending the face an amused expression and haughty look.  A look like this can be a confidence killer and makes people feel as if they are being mocked. I worked with a colleague who had such a look and somehow managed to push everyone into defensive mode without much effort.

I have seen people with features that, when combined, make one look as if they’re about to break into tears and compel people to offer words of comfort. If people stroke your arm and ask if everything is ok, then perhaps that is what your features are saying.

And there are those whose features make them look as it they are about to break into a whooping laugh. Pleasant features,  indeed, but it can be difficult for such people to convey serious messages because everyone might think they are joking.

So, before you complain about the way people respond to you, ask yourself, what unintended message are you sending?

So, what message is your face conveying?